Free to be me!

I felt like this subject needed a part two and probably a part 3…

Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are His workmanship [His own master work, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us].”

Our master craftsman, the creator God, went to a lot of effort to make us different from everyone else.  There are similarities that we have with all sorts of people in terms of experiences, likes, and dislikes, but there is so much that is not only different but unique, truly a one-off.  Our DNA, our fingerprints, the mix of our personality, attitudes, intellect, appearance, experiences, emotions, habits, gifts and abilities, likes, creativity, perspective, hobbies, family, time, place, and upbringing, so much!  These things are totally unique to each of us.  Each one of us is bespoke.

That is a good thing, an amazing thing when you stop to contemplate it.  It is a thing of wonder.  I love God’s infinite creativity in his design.  Beautiful.  It’s something I really appreciate, particularly in creation.  I love looking at a bed of flowers and noting all the little differences, for example.  I guess it didn’t have to be like that.  I mean he could make every tulip the same, or every tree, but it is an expression of the abundant creativity of our amazing God that they are all different.  As someone who was brought up on a hill farm in the Pennines, I know when they are in a flock, sheep all look the same but up close they aren’t.  They have different looks and different characteristics, trust me!  And have you really looked at people?  I love people watching.  People are beautiful.  Stop and have a look.

I spent some time recently focussing on Romans 12:1 which says: “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your true and proper worship.” 

As I contemplated the idea of sacrifice and the idea of offering my body back to God, I realised that in that act, there was an acknowledgement of what is mine to offer.  There is a preceding step that is important.  In acknowledging God as my creator, as the one who designed and formed me in my mother’s womb, as it tells us in Psalm 139, I have a choice to acknowledge that he knows what he is doing, that his design is good.  That his ways are perfect, even when I don’t understand. 

In my longing to belong, to be accepted by the world, there are many parts of me and how I am wired and how I look that I could wish were different, and I have done.  Over the years, I have struggled at different times with a desire to be taller, to be a different shape, to have different hair, to talk differently, to have a different family, to live somewhere else, the list goes on.

In that moment of acknowledging God as God and surrendering my life to follow him, there is a choice to submit to who he has made me to be and how he has designed me.  He has a plan, not just for me but for the whole world and it is a great plan, to reconcile the world to him and to restore everything that has been broken.  I get the privilege of being part of the outworking of that amazing plan.  Our part in it has been planned since before we existed.  We are perfectly designed for that part.

I believe God wants to bring us to a place of accepting, even liking, who we are.  Part of that comes out of the revelation that he likes us.  He is not putting up with us, not just tolerating us because he is obliged to.  We can all find the scriptures that tell us that he loves us but what comes across as we dig deeper is that he delights in us. 

My moments of surrender have included accepting the body that he has given me, with all the weaknesses, real and imagined, some of which were caused by me and my choices, some of which are caused by living in a broken world, some of which could and possibly should be changed (like looking after my health) but all of which he can fit incredibly into his great plan.  I have stood in front of a mirror and declared out loud, to myself and the enemy, that I choose to accept my hair, my eyes, my nose, my face, etc, all the way down my body, including internal organs as well!  I have then taken it one step further and thanked him for those things and how he has designed them.

I have done the same with other characteristics, such as my strengths, my character, and even my weaknesses.  I am reminded of Paul asking God to remove what he called his “thorn in the flesh” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) and him reaching a point where he realised that it was in fact something to celebrate because it kept him humble, dependent on God. 

It is a process of accepting who I am and who he has designed me to be.  As we grow and mature in Christ, he reveals more.  I have discovered that each bit of progress has resulted in more revelation about parts of who I am that I didn’t realise I struggle with and I have had the opportunity repeatedly to come back to that place of surrender.  My journey towards acceptance, even joy, in how he has created me to be, is slow but steady.   

As I have walked this path, I have discovered places that need healing.  When I stand in front of the mirror and choose to accept my body, bit by bit, there are some parts that are harder than others.  Then there is an opportunity to sit with God and talk about why that bit is harder.  It may be that Holy Spirit will remind me of a painful moment where I need to forgive someone and allow him to heal my heart and change my mindset about how I look.  Spirits of self-rejection, of self-hatred even, have had to be given their marching orders, and other associated ungodly influences. 

The bottom line is who am I to question God’s design?  When we reject how he has made us to be, we are working against God.  When we resist his plans for us, we are resisting God.  How can I, as a Christian, be against God, anti-God?  When I put it like that, it sounds serious doesn’t it?  I think it is.  I think he takes it seriously.  This thought brings me back to my knees, repenting for my attitudes towards myself and his handiwork and surrendering to his design, his plan.

Who knew that the way to freedom was surrender?  Only in God’s upside-down kingdom!  Freedom to be the person he made me to be.  Freedom not to be squeezed into a shape that I was never meant to be.  Freedom to function fully as I was designed to and in that to find a level of joy and satisfaction that is not found in trying to be someone else. 

The result of this is that I am freer to sing with conviction “I am who you say I am” (from the song by Hillsong Worship – link).  In singing that line, loud and strong, I am declaring to the spiritual realms that God is first in my life; that what he says goes and I am choosing to line up my life, my thoughts, and my beliefs with his.  As Bill Johnson (from Bethel Church in Redding, California) says,

I cannot afford to have thoughts in my head about me that God doesn’t have in his.