In the last week or so, everywhere I have been there have been posters or conversations or texts that include the subject of safety. It does feel like it is maybe something of a preoccupation for us. Is it just in the UK? Or in the west? I’m not sure. Maybe it is a combination of the ‘stay safe’ culture from Covidland, and the ‘health and safety’ generation that wants to keep us in bubble wrap at all costs, removing all risk. Or the result of shaking of the turbulent times we live in. And maybe it is a rebellious streak in me, or independence, that does not like being ‘smothered’, coddled or the removal of all risk from my life.
Safety in various forms has been on my mind for some time. Recently, people have talked to me about me being a ‘safe space’ for them. This feels like something of a specific phrase in modern times with the increased awareness of abuse and the pioneering of safe spaces for those who feel at risk whether from bullies at school, or in the work place or domestic violence. What I feel is that people are looking for in me is a place of reassurance, of comfort, of acceptance, and of security, with no accusation, no fear of rejection, just love. My initial response to being told I was a safe space was one of discomfort. I think this is mainly because I want people’s reality to be the ideas outlined here from David’s song in 2 Samuel 22 (in the Message version):
The LORD is my Rock, my fortress, my place of safety. He is my God, the Rock I run to for protection. He is my shield; by his power I am saved. He is my hiding place, my place of safety, high in the hills. He is my saviour, the one who rescues me from the cruel enemy. I called to the LORD for help, and he saved me from my enemies. He is worthy of my praise! The Lord reached down from above and grabbed me. He pulled me from the deep water. He saved me from my powerful enemies, who hated me. They were too strong for me, so he saved me. They attacked me in my time of trouble, but the LORD was there to support me. He was pleased with me, so he rescued me. He took me to a safe place.
The garden of Eden was a safe space. All they had to do was trust God, stay within his boundaries and all would go well. But Adam and Eve chose not to stay within the boundaries he had provided to protect them and literally all hell broke loose and they could no longer be in that place of security which is an intimate relationship with our loving Heavenly Father. The boundaries, the ‘rules’ that he instigated are supposed to create a safe space for mankind to dwell. We were never meant to carry the weight of deciding what is good and what is evil.
God is still committed to the care of his creation, the people he loves so much, despite the outworking of events in the garden, and he had harsh words for those who do not discharge their role as caregivers well, for example the ‘shepherds’ of his sheep in Ezekiel 34 and the Pharisees who created heavy, impossible burdens for the people. In Ezekiel, he addresses the abuse and self interest of the shepherds and promises that he will shepherd his own people.
Many psalms address this position of Him as our refuge, our safe space. We love the place of safety described in a Psalm 91 but we sometimes miss the critical clauses. God will keep us in a place of safety, IF we stop protecting ourselves, IF we allow him to be our shield, our refuge, our place of dwelling.
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent.
I have been contemplating the habits of self-protection that I engage in when I don’t trust him to be my safe space. The reality is that this desire to self protect often has roots in situations where we have been let down by our own caregivers. In my attempt to break out of self-protection, I have put my trust in people which has led to disappointment and circled me back round to self-protection, where I then put up walls to guard my heart, withdrawing emotionally, if not physically. I have sometimes spiritualised my walls by calling them ‘healthy boundaries’ or by saying ‘the Lord is pruning my relationships’ but in reality, sometimes it has been my unwillingness to allow my heart to be vulnerable to pain and the lack of trust in my Heavenly Father to be my defender. Sometimes, I have defended myself – that never goes well.
This challenges the places of comfort, the sources of strength I rely on, where I take my feelings when I am feeling vulnerable or under attack, when I need help – who or what I run to. This is not just wrong people and places, but also ungodly habits or addictions and even some habits which can superficially appear spiritual. So I can binge watch YouTube preaches which appears good but is actually sometimes a source of escape from reality. The bible calls anything that is a comfort or a source of strength outside of God an idol. Where am I putting my trust outside if him, in worldly systems, in man and his ideas, in banks and finances, in social services, in the NHS, in all of the systems that are and can be a blessing but are not to become our source of hope, our idol? The key question is, Where is my trust? Psalm 118:8 tells us:
It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.
In the last few months, I have gone back to a verse that has been a recurring theme for me, in Isaiah 30:15
This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength.
We are encouraged to turn back to him, to stop all the ways we are turning elsewhere for strength and comfort. He is such a place of peace, of rest, of strength. So if we know that is right and true, what then is our place in being a place of refuge, a safe space for one another? Is it right? Is it healthy? When someone needs help and support, how helpful is it to refer them back to scripture, back to God? How do we stand in that place alongside our brothers and sisters in Christ, without taking the place of the one who is our refuge and strength? Where am I encouraging those I support to look for help? Am I encouraging dependence on me, or on worldly structures, or allowing Holy Spirit to lead and guide? These are some of the questions that have been provoked by the thought of me being someone’s ‘safe space’.
We are exhorted to encourage one another throughout scripture (in Romans, 2 Corinthians, 1 Thessalonians, and Hebrews to name a few). It is good to encourage each other to strengthen ourselves in the Lord, like David did after the disaster at Ziklag, but also for us to be a strength to those who are battle weary – like Moses who needed Aaron and Hur to hold up his arms (in Exodus 17). He did not need someone at that point to say, ‘look to the Lord, brother’ and give him some ‘fridge magnet saying’, he needed practical help to keep going in the battle. He needed time, the presence of other people with him, he needed people to show up alongside him as ‘brothers in arms’. There are places where we are, as it says in Galatians 6:2, to
Share each other’s burdens
When Jesus told the story of the Good Samaritan in Luke 10, he urged us to be a good neighbour, to love those around us. The church is designed to be Jesus’ body on the earth, HE is the ultimate safe space, but he operates through us on the earth. He designed us to be part of a loving community, where we are characterised by the outstanding love we have for one another. Love is the motivator so checking our motives and what we are getting from being someone’s space space is healthy and it is true that it is easy to create dependence but I think the Holy Spirit is more than capable of leading us into healthy responses to people’s needs, he is after all, the spirit of wisdom.
The characteristics that make Jesus a safe space for us, are the characteristics that make us a safe space for others. The more we become like him, the more we will be able to personify that safe space that is Jesus and in all the turbulence of the world, we need there to be a place of safety in the church that has sometimes got this so wrong and felt so unsafe for so many people, believers and unbelievers.
Our welcome, our hospitality, our receiving of one another, without judgment or condemnation or criticism, creates a safe space for people to encounter the one in whom they can put their trust. Our practical help, our loving care and kindness portrays the salvation, the heart, the care of the one who is to be trusted above all else, the good shepherd.
I believe that part of being a safe space for people is about being a place of truth not lies. Deception, betrayal, false friendships, relationships that promised much and delivered little create that inability to trust but God is a place of truth, of love that endures. He never gives up on us no matter how hard we try to make him- Romans 8 reminds us that absolutely nothing will ever get between us and God’s love. I can’t have that security with any other relationship. And anyone who promises us that is crazy. We are human and we let each other down with our frail humanness but God never does. He is always faithful and true. (Revelation 19) And he is the one who we can trust to personify this verse, Proverbs 27:6
Faithful are the wounds of a friend [who corrects out of love and concern], But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful [because they serve his hidden agenda].
The fact that he is willing to correct me, to discipline me, to tell me when I am out of order makes him more trustworthy not less. It is his faithfulness, his trustworthiness that makes him one who is consistent, who tells me truth when I need to hear it. The same is true of us as the church. Safety is not found in a place of pretence, in a place of cover up or of deception, of telling people what they want to hear. Safety is in a place of love that loves us enough to be real, and open and honest with us when it is appropriate. We are covered by the blood of Jesus, by his wings in that place of trust, not by those who will cover up for us. We are covered by the freedom of his love rather than covered by the guilt and shame of constant lies and each one looking out for himself. We are covered as we put our trust in his spiritual armour. Truth sets us free. Knowing you will hear truth makes you feel safe. But Ephesians 4:15 reminds us for us to grow to maturity, we need to be:
speaking the truth in love
There are times for strong declarations of the truth of who God is in our lives, the truth of who we are in Him and there are times to bring challenge where appropriate. There are times for praying with each other too, for preaching the word, for encouraging each other to press into God because ultimately he IS our safe space and he is the only space that will never be unsafe.
However, we don’t get to hide behind trite spiritual memes, or quoting verses that are like a sticking plaster and miss out on the joyous disruption of engaging with each other’s lives. Our prayers can open the way for those we love and care for to engage with the One who is a strong tower, but we shouldn’t be surprised if He asks us to be the answer to our own prayers in some practical way!
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