The Only Way is Down!

A few weeks ago, someone close to me made a comment that has sent me on quite a journey with God. In a passing remark, he said, “I think you are quite ambitious”. At the time, I did not think anything much of it and I guess I dismissed it, but then weeks later, Holy Spirit reminded me of it and so I allowed him to shine his uncomfortable light into my heart. Oh, dear!

I was reading about wisdom, that’s what I was looking for. I was struck by the phrase “humility that comes from wisdom” and was thinking about the link between wisdom and humility and was pondering this in James 3:13

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.

It had never occurred to me that there was a link but as I read on, in verse 17 it says that heavenly wisdom is teachable, willing to listen to and learn from others. It makes sense doesn’t it! The wisest people I know have often been the most humble; the ones who don’t think they know everything and are able to learn from anyone. No-one is “beneath them”. They are often the ones who are interested in people, who listen well and consequently learn as a by product of their humble attitude. I never want to get to the point of thinking I know it all. I want my heart to be soft, malleable, teachable.

James is never one to pull punches but as I read this section a few times, in different versions as I like to do, Holy Spirit ambushed me as these lines arrested me in James 3:14, in the Passion translation:

But if there is bitter jealousy or competition hiding in your heart, then don’t deny it and try to compensate for it by boasting and being phony. 

I had literally the day before been momentarily aware of a jealous thought that had crossed my mind in relation to something that someone else had been asked to do and I thought I could do, probably better. I was shocked at the thought and the sentiment behind it but Holy Spirit had not finished exposing the grunge within as I read the same verse in the NIV:

But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth.

This was the point that the passing comment came back into my mind and so I allowed myself to consider the possibility that as someone who is close to me and loves me, maybe he had seen something in me that Holy Spirit would like to deal with. Thank God for bold, truth telling friends and family who help us see our blind spots.

I have always considered ambition to be related to financial gain, working one’s way up a career ladder and so not relevant as far as I was concerned. If I was all about financial gain, I certainly would not be doing my current job. I have never been interested in a career path or promotion at work, therefore it never occurred to me that “promotion” could be any kind of issue for me. However, my little orphan heart that is clearly not yet fully healed, is still vulnerable to the seduction of being liked, being visible, being known. It is vulnerable to the seduction of man’s approval and of being “in with the in-crowd”. Competition, jealousy and self-seeking ambition are alive and well within the church sadly and I want every trace of it rooted out of my life, especially because James says in verse 16:

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

One way to discern whether this is an issue was to ask Holy Spirit to highlight what it looks like in my life and he talked to me about my interactions with people. I had thought that being able to celebrate other people’s success, meant I was not someone who struggled with ambition in any form. However, it can be very subtle and often dressed in “spiritual clothes”. I can point to prophetic words about it being time for my voice to be heard but the reality is I like being seen. Actually I think we all do, in the sense of wanting to be known. God sees us and he knows us, deeply. Being seen and known by God should matter most. Being seen by people feeds my ego. Am I only willing to volunteer for the visible roles? Jesus talks about service that goes unseen in Matthew 6:1.

Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.

The seduction of the earthly rewards is strong. The drive to belong, to be part of the “in-crowd”, especially for those of us wounded by rejection in the past, can push us into some ugly behaviour where we filter the people we interact with according to their ability to “grow us” or “release us into our calling” (read “promote us”). We chose carefully where we sit, who we talk to, who we prefer.

As I studied this more, I read in 1 Corinthians 3:3 about the jealousy that comes from still being worldly, immature. The word for jealousy comes from a root meaning “boiling hot”. Our jealous God is burning hot FOR us but amongst his children, jealousy causes us to burn AGAINST each other, creating competition and division as we vie for attention, like the disciples in Mark 9 wanting to know who was the greatest. Jesus’ response in verse 35 was to remind them:

If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.

He didn’t rebuke them for wanting to be first, just told them that the way up is the way down. I think this issue applies to us as individuals within the body of Christ but also at a more corporate level where God wants to root out of his children any sense of competition, jealousy, or ambition between congregations or ministry organisations. It can even be seen at the level of nations as leaders vie for power and control. The need for the church to reflect a different way of operating is so important. We are part of a very different kingdom.

And so I went back to those verses that remind us who is being formed in us. We are called to be image bearers of the one in Philippians 2:6-8

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!

That phrase about not using his relationship to his advantage cuts to the heart of this issue. Ambition looks like using people and relationships. Jesus modelled the opposite and we are told in verse 5:

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus

I need to know what Jesus’ attitude is, what he is thinking, what mindset he has, so that I can line mine up with his. Especially in the body of Christ. Our love for each other is to be supernaturally off the charts in a way that makes the world take notice. I think it looks like seeing each other, valuing each other, championing each other, preferring each other, deferring to each other, pushing others forward, rather than any hint of pushing each other out of the way to get to the front. This is a reminder that we follow the one who came not to be served but to serve, the one who modelled perfect humility, the most selfless life.