A few weeks ago, I had an encounter before the throne of God which impacted me deeply (as a side note, I can’t imagine a scenario where a genuine encounter with God wouldn’t have a significant effect!). A bit like Isaiah in chapter 6, I was reminded of the awesomeness of the pure, holy God we serve as I ended up on my face, in the grass as it happens, repenting for what he had shown me, receiving a fresh level of the fear of the Lord in the process.
Later that week, God reminded me quite strongly that my church leader does not set the standard for me, he does. It was not a situation that would have ever put me in conflict with my church leadership, but it was a sobering, thought-provoking correction. This took me into a deeper contemplation of submission. This has felt like a bit of a theme in the last year or two but this week it led me to the subject of rebellion.
I am familiar with the scripture in 1 Samuel 15:23 that tells us:
For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry.
Every time I choose to rebel against him, it is looking elsewhere for guidance and input, which is exactly what divination is. Rebellion is less about trusting someone else’s input and more about trusting in my own ideas over God’s. Some of us who would never contemplate the idea of going getting involved in witchcraft or divination to influence our lives, are happy to reject his ideas out of our own arrogance and pride as we resist his ways in preference for our own. This applies when talking of rebelling against those he has put in authority over me, not just against our heavenly Father.
God showed me that rebellion has run in my family line, and it has impacted both me and my children. I remember when I looked at this issue years ago, going through Freedom in Christ’s ‘Steps to Freedom, when the main things that I dealt with then were how I had been at school, and at home with my parents, particularly as a teenager, oh, and the issue of obeying speed limits in the car! We can smile but maybe God takes some things, that we regard as little, more seriously than we think.
Being faithful in small things leads to faithfulness in big things according to Luke 16:10. Rebellion is not a little issue but Songs of Songs 2:15 adjures us:
Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards…
I had wondered if I was being overly sin conscious since there often seem to be things that God is pointing out. I don’t spend my whole week on my face weeping and wailing ‘woe is me. However, I believe this is a season of preparation for what God is wanting to do and so this verse about little foxes is key. I want to deal with issues as they are highlighted so that my ‘vineyard’ can flourish as intended. Once I have dealt with what Holy Spirit shows me, it clears the way for receiving more of the fullness of God. There’s always an exchange of his goodness for my grunge!
It would be easy to focus on just rebellion, especially as I’m the kind of person who automatically wants to walk on the grass when the sign says don’t. Rebellion though, Holy Spirit showed me, had made the way open for all sorts of other negative fruit in my life. Psalm 68:6 tells us:
… the stubborn and rebellious dwell in a parched land.
The results of rebellion in my life back this statement up. God highlighted the arrogance and pride that is evident in rebellion, against God or those in authority; the idolatry that is putting myself in God’s place in my life; the fear or unbelief that is sometimes behind it; the resulting critical and judgmental attitudes which lead to grumbling and complaining, an inability to see the positive and a perspective of lack; the resentment and bitterness that come from being in a place of enforced, or half-hearted, rather than willing submission; a tendency to argue my case in defensiveness; a hardness of heart that develops in order to resist (see Hebrews 3:15) and an unhealthy focus on outward appearance leading to false submission.
Although the list was long (there was actually more), it came from asking God how rebellion has impacted my life, how it has hurt my heart and my relationship with him and others. I think asking these questions enables me to deal with it more fully, rather than just skimming the surface with, “I’m sorry for resisting you, God.”
I remember a story about a little boy being made to sit down when he didn’t want to and him saying defiantly, “I’m still standing up on the inside.” God showed me that sometimes when I thought I had been submitting to him, or others, I was still defiant or rebellious on the inside. He showed me, yet again, that it is about my heart. It is no good if I obey him, but my heart is wrong. He makes that abundantly clear in 1 Samuel 16:7
Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.
God has been helping me to look at heart issues as I have navigated this Covid season. This has at times brought me into conflict with family and friends, or at the very least brought disappointment and emotional pain and has tested my willingness to do what pleases God rather than man. However, I have sometimes made it obvious that I don’t want to obey and have been rather like the little boy, still standing up on the inside, with gritted teeth, moaning and complaining about what God has asked me to do, like some petulant teenager.
Which brings me back to the encounter at the beginning. One of the things that I am increasingly aware of, even when not repenting in the grass, is just how awe-some our God is, in the proper sense of the word. Who am I to argue with him? Who am I to fold my arms and say no to the living God? He is God, and I am not. Why would I ever think I knew better? Why would I resist his plans? When I think about it, it is laughable, except it isn’t funny.
My heart is to see him more and to know him more, so I need to allow him to be fully who he is. I don’t just need a fluffy, sugar-daddy God that encourages me to behave like a spoilt, demanding brat. I want to know the full, awe-inspiring, mighty, powerful, sovereign God in all of his dimensions which inevitably will keep me in that place of yielded surrender, submitted to his will and his ways. In order to ‘worship him in spirit and in truth’ (i.e., in reality), I need to know him as he really is.
Some of my reason for explaining to people what I’m doing is that it mitigates the cost to me. Maybe people will understand and not judge me, criticise me, reject me. Maybe they will even think better of me. I am reminded of Matthew 6:1
Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.
An antidote to rebellion, one which results in yielded obedience from a heart that is fully surrendered, and doesn’t get tempted into self-righteousness, is humility. Jesus invites us in Matthew 11:29:
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
That sounds much more appealing than the parched land, so in order to resist rebellion, my heartfelt prayer is:
Father, help me to maintain a yielded, teachable heart.
free2follow 