When I was learning to drive at night, I had to learn not to look into the light of the oncoming cars as I discovered that it made me veer towards them. Fortunately, I learned this quick enough to avoid catastrophe, but I had to consciously choose to look elsewhere for many years until it became second nature. I have been reminded of how this applies to our walk with Jesus in several conversations this week.
I have come across many people over the years who made a vow not to be a certain way, only to end up going down the path they were trying to avoid. Children of an alcoholic parent, for example, determined not to drink but who ended up struggling with alcohol themselves. I have seen principle at work in my own life too, for example, when I have focussed on trying to eat healthily. It seems that the moment that I try to focus on eating less of some things, those foods are the one thing my body is screaming for. Almost like the decision to be self-controlled awakens a lack of self-control. I know it is not just me because it seems like that is what Paul is describing in Romans 7:19 where he laments:
For what I do is not the good I want to do, no, the evil I do not want to do ~ this I keep on doing.
This is still a journey I am on in some areas, but there are the truths I come back to in the process. In 1 Corinthians 6:12 Paul says:
Everything is permissible ~ but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible ~ but I will not be mastered by anything.
I don’t want to misuse the freedom he has given me. I don’t want to use my freedom to “indulge the flesh” as it says in Galatians 5. However, in my walk towards freedom, I have had to learn to discern what is unhealthy religiosity which is bringing me into more bondage rather than freeing me. The language of “not allowed” is one which I tend towards really easily. The boundaries of rules feel simpler in many ways, but God invites me into relationship which is a lot less rigid and boxed, freer and more joyful but which requires my investment in the relationship to walk a path that is pleasing to God. As a parent, it feels completely different to have my children do something that they know pleases me, for the simple pleasure of showing their love, rather than out of obligation, or fear of punishment.
The things that God has put his finger on that have needed changing in my life have been less about “thou shalt keep the rules” and more about “let me release you from that thing which is keeping you bound and making you be someone you are not designed to be”. In the process, I have found the phrase “I will not be mastered by anything” to be a useful key in helping me know when something has become unhealthy in its influence in my life. Is it controlling me? Can I live without it? How easily?
One of the battles I have constantly fallen into is with myself. As a result of mistakes in the past, I have ended up not trusting myself and constantly giving in to that voice that tells me I am not good enough and need to try harder. The problem with this is that I become very focussed on me. I failed to realise that in Ephesians 6:12 when Paul reminds us:
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood
… that this also includes my own flesh and blood. I have talked for years of battling with things that amounted to battling with my flesh, which Romans 6:6 tells me is dead. Why am I trying to fight something that is dead? The reality is that it doesn’t feel dead. I don’t know about you, but I can end up being influenced by how I feel in lots of ways, but my feelings often reflect my perception of the truth rather than the actual truth.
If our enemy can get us to focus on “the battle”, whatever our issue is that we are trying to defeat, whether it is an addiction to porn, gaming, alcohol or sugar, a habit of exaggerating stories to make ourselves look good, an inability to put our phone down for 5 minutes, or any other habit that grips us in an unhealthy way, he is halfway to winning. The more we focus on “The Issue”, the bigger it becomes in our minds.
I have spent hours trying to work out how to win certain battles, particularly habitual issues. I have fasted, prayed, repented, given myself a stern telling off, begged God for help, told myself to try harder, read books about the issue, watched YouTube videos about it. All the time, it has got bigger in my mind. I have gone through every emotion. I have had days where I have felt victorious and determined and have started a new “regime” to defeat it, other days I have felt defeated and like I will never overcome this issue.
There are two points in all of this that are so important. The first is that all of the above has been focussed has been on me and my ability if I am honest. I have been trying to defeat this thing. I have done all sorts of spiritual things, but the reality is, I have been the one battling. Romans 8:5 in the Message translation is illuminating:
Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life.
It goes on to say in verse 6:
Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end.
It applies across the board, not just to things “I’m battling” but everything about my walk of faith. When I get to the end of that self-focus, that self-determination, in that place of defeat, finally I realise that I can’t do it alone. It is Christ in me who is the hope of glory (Colossians 1:27). I cannot achieve that glory. For some of us, that process of realisation takes many painful years of “battling” before we surrender our self-effort. I’d like to think I am learning, at least to recognise quicker when I have fallen into the trap of focussing on my efforts.
Focusing on self is the opposite of focusing on God. (Rom 8:7)
As I shift my focus from myself, and also from the problem, to the one who has the solution this is where freedom is released. Worship is so key because it fixes our gaze on our wonderful, mighty God and reminds us, body, soul, and spirit, of his magnitude. As we magnify and glorify him, the enemy shrinks to his real size. Issues and problems don’t disappear, but they become appropriately proportional in size. How often do I get tempted into a battle with the enemy, at least mentally and emotionally, when worship of the one who has overcome the world, who is bigger than anything I will ever face, would restore me to a more victorious perspective?
In that place of worship, I am reminded that I overcome in him, in his strength, not mine. I am reminded that it is Holy Spirit who leads me into all truth. I am reminded that Holy Spirit is the one that leads me into life and freedom. Isaiah 30:15 in the Message puts it like this:
Your salvation requires you to turn back to me and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves. Your strength will come from settling down in complete dependence on me ~ The very thing you have been unwilling to do.
This is not just talking about being saved as a one-time event. It is about me “working out my salvation” day by day. The word for salvation here means liberation, deliverance, being set free from the things that hold us captive or overcoming in battle.
In order to be set free from any ongoing battle, the first step is repentance for trying to go it alone, for the focus on myself and my efforts. The next step is to shift my focus. To fix my gaze on the king as we are instructed to do in more than one place in scripture. As I do, he will strengthen me. As I allow myself to be completely dependent and stay in that place of dependence, following his lead, submitting to him, HE will lead me to freedom.
So, I may not focus on the light of oncoming cars, but I will choose to focus on the One who is light because focussing on the darkness leads me further into darkness and focussing on me and my efforts does not lead to victory. As Romans 8:6, in the Message, promises:
Attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life.
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I like this a lot! Thanks Holly 😊xx
You are welcome 😊