I was writing something this week and was struck by the word “company” which then came up a couple of times in other contexts. I don’t know if that happens to you, but sometimes a word or a phrase seems to get stuck in my head and reverberates round and round as I chew on it with God over a period of several days. The more time I linger over something that He has highlighted in this way; the more revelation comes. The bible talks about meditating on the word of God (Joshua 1:8 for example) and I think this is a bit like “chewing on the cud”, as cows do, extracting all the goodness God has for us in it.
Company comes from two words meaning “with” and “bread” and relates to someone who you would “eat bread with”. What a brilliant picture. We sometimes say, “I’ve got company” and the implication is that you have someone at your house who is more than a 5-minute, in and out visitor. There is often an implication of lingering or eating together. There is a sense of this being someone who will spend time with you, a sense of friendship.
The associated word, companion, implies someone who will stay with you. People talk of life-long companions, or of travelling companions, and there is a sense of being alongside someone in a more long-term or committed way.
The fact that it is someone who you would sit and eat with, become more intimate with, links back to my thoughts last week about communion and God wanting to come and eat with us and be a life-long companion. I think God is unpacking more of a theme!
The bible has quite a bit to say about who we keep company with. There is a saying that you can tell a person by the company he keeps which is maybe why Jesus was criticised for hanging out with sinners. The issue is not so much who we hang around with but more who we allow to influence our lives, or maybe how we allow them to influence our lives. In 1 Corinthians 15:33, Paul quotes:
Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
And in Proverbs 13:20, we are told:
Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.
It is not so much that coming into contact with what the bible calls fools will cause us harm but walking with them, lingering in their company, regularly hanging around with them begins to have an impact. As a teacher, I saw it a lot. A child would make friends with another child and before long they would start to talk similarly, dress similarly, like the same things and so on. The desire to belong is in play here and you can see the influence of one over the other.
I think it is obvious that sometimes a relationship is toxic, and it needs some clear boundaries. Sometimes a relationship cannot continue if healthy boundaries are not possible. In this context I was contemplating how David had a relationship with Saul which became too difficult to maintain so he put distance between himself and Saul, for his own well-being, all the while maintaining his honour of, and respect for, the king because of his God-given position.
However, I think it goes deeper than just “Is this relationship a good or bad influence on me?” It is often not as black and white as that. I think that relationships ebb and flow depending on the season. As I have transitioned from one church family to another, one nation to another, I have been in a process of asking God how to manage my changing relationships well. Like everything in my life, he is to be Lord of my relationships too. I want my relationships to be healthy, to be godly. I want to develop the relationships that challenge and encourage me to go deeper with God. I want the voices with most influence in my life to be the ones that call me to a higher standard, that remind me of who I am in God.
In Psalm 1:1 we are encouraged not to walk with the wicked, stand with sinners or sit with mockers. None of us disagree until we allow Holy Spirit to start to unpack that. How often have we stood with those who gossip? How often have we sat with those who criticise and condemn others in the body of Christ, especially our church leaders, grumbling and complaining about the way they do things? How often have we come away from conversations with other believers wondering why we hadn’t stopped or changed the conversation?
Could those situations be described as “bad company”? I think many of us could testify to times where we have been part of conversations that Holy Spirit maybe challenged us about, but we lacked the integrity or the courage to say or do anything in the moment. Maybe in this new season we need to have a conversation with those closest to us, especially in the body of Christ, and say, “Let’s hold each other to account; let’s challenge each other to walk higher.” Why not give each other permission to lovingly challenge and correct each other in the moment.
As I thought about this issue of company, I was reminded of the moment in Luke 24:15 where: As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them. It is not so much that Jesus is the best company, of course he is, but that it goes on to say in verse 32: They asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?”
There are some people who, when we spend time with them, it sets us on fire, it points us back towards the scriptures, towards Jesus. There are some that when we come away, we are stirred, inspired, provoked, challenged, and encouraged in our faith. Those are the ones I want to spend time with.
Equally, there are some people for whom we are to be that encouraging, challenging, inspiring company. Which means that we may need to be more focussed, more aware, more led by Holy Spirit in our friendships, in our conversations.
It may also mean allowing Holy Spirit to challenge us about some of our connections and the motivations behind them. It may mean that he would like to challenge us about what fruit some of our friendships are producing in our lives. It may mean that some friendships need to change, grow deeper, or grow less frequent, depending on how well they fit what God is doing in our lives, or their lives, right now. One simple question that I have asked over the years is:
“Does this relationship pull me towards or away from you God; what do I need to do about it, if anything?”
Maybe we could add a supplementary question:
“God, are there any relationships that need to change in this season? If so, how do they need to change?”
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